is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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