So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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