That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
