I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
