Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
