what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
