Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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