his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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