they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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