He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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