I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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