there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
how drunk are you?
Several
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
