worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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