I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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