I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
