Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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