I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
