i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
