I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
