I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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