That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
