yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
