My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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