is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
