Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
