Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
