I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't turn off my feet"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
