i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
