Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
