I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
