i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize