I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize