Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
