u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
