im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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