I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
