NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
