shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
