i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize