mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
