I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
