i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
