I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
