oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
