Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
