oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
