i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
