"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
