But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
