Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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