Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
