no, he came in my armpit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Blood and glitter go together right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
