imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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