I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
