what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
