It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
