We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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