apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
