I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
