ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
