tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
