We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
