Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
