Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
