the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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