last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
