need another drink. this is the easiest way
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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