Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
