i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
