I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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