You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
