Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize