Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
