is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
