if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
