all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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