i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ladies don't puke and tell
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
