i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
