U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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