dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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