I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
